kerfuffle (kerfuffle) wrote,

Now I know why you always wanted these memories captured

I'm sick again. The few hours of relief didn't last. I never seem to be quite okay these days. My head must be telling me something but it's not being very clear about it. I need a freakin' translator now. The pain isn't making thinking an easy job.

*sigh* Well, hmm.

For the first time in my life, I looked back on the old, old photos and attempted to identify myself in each of them. I never enjoyed looking back at the old me because it reminds me of all that I've lost. All that happiness bubbling inside me, the confidence and innocence of childhood. And looking back, I can still almost remember my exact feeling when each snapshot was taken and carefully saved into the albums by Mom. What happened to that girl in the pictures? How did I end up so different from the old me?

The see-through plastic that held the photos together are now yellow and crackly, practically breaking apart at each touch. But the photos are still there.

And still clear.

Maybe there is a small, slim chance that I can go back to what I used to be... if I try hard enough. In some ways, I've already started a year ago. Now all I need to do is stay on, keep throwing away the parts of me that I don't like, that shouldn't have been a part of me. I just hope I have that kind of endurance and faith in myself. I need it now.
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